Office Politics Read online

OFFICE POLITICS

  by

  Juliana Rew

  Office Politics

  Copyright 2012 Juliana Rew

  This story is a work of fiction and any resemblance to persons, living or dead, or places, events or locales is purely coincidental. The characters are productions of the author’s imagination and used fictitiously.

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  OFFICE POLITICS

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  I didn't think I'd ever write my memoirs, and by the time I understood blogging, it was already old-fashioned. But that is kind of the story of my life.

  Take work, for example. I spent so much time getting educated and trained that I became "over-qualified," whatever that is. I spent most of the year following the Great Recession going from interview to interview. When I ran out of money, I made a little cash writing articles on mentoring for a business blog.

  Finally, though, I got a job as an office manager for a publisher that was trying to establish an Internet presence. Although I was already more than qualified to hold down an office, I had spent years honing my coding and editing skills in case anyone would call on me to do something "creative."

  My first day on the job is a bit of a blur, but I do remember walking around shaking a lot of hands and blinking under the glare of fluorescent lights. I noticed people had plants and pictures in their cubicles and resolved to bring some desk toys in the next day to add a more playful feel.

  The second day was my first staff meeting. Managers of the other departments crowded around a long table in the conference room, carrying travel mugs and laptops. The agenda was already set, and I didn't get a chance to say anything. Well, that was fine, since I was still getting oriented.

  The next week, another staff meeting. I still didn't get to say a word, but I noticed several other managers could hold forth for hours once they got the floor. I talked to my boss Tony about getting on the agenda to give an update of my department's progress in developing an animated version of a children's sci-fi book. We were designing a great prototype that we could demo on a variety of eBook reader platforms.

  The following week I was on the agenda, but I still didn't get to talk. The usual managers filled the time discussing their latest smartphones and the need for security software, until Tony said, "my goodness where does the time go?" I was beginning to feel like a ghost.

  Understandably, we all have a vested interest in our own departments. But I was convinced that the company was going to lose more ground if they didn't focus on gaining market share in the online world. Readers could be fickle, especially if the competition's products were new and flashy.

  Word came that a new big boss was being brought in from HQ. I thought this sounded great. Although I liked Tony as a mid-level manager, and he seemed friendly and even logical, he never stepped in if he caught a whiff of office politics. He avoided conflict like the plague and confined his activities to minimizing losses. I guess you could say he was weak, but he had mastered the skills needed for CYA. This seemed like an opportunity for me to impress by writing a plan for new directions in the department.

  The new boss, Angel deMertelo, was the darling of Corporate, and was expected to bring the publishing side back to profitability. He projected an air of entitlement, putting his feet up on his desk as he summoned staff one at a time to determine the lay of the land. The lack of coherency was quickly evident, as all of the managers noted they could do a much better job if only some other department would do a better job.

  Dividing and conquering was ridiculously easy for Angel. He first called for a "retreat" that was to foster team building and used the meeting to reveal that the departments had reamed each other. So much for mutual trust. All eyes turned to Angel to save the situation.

  Of course, he accommodatingly reorganized. Some managers were pushed to retire early, while others who weren't so willing had their reputations destroyed. I was one of the latter. My plan proposing new directions was characterized as "negative," and my attitude toward positive change as "unwilling." My department was to be subsumed by another manager.

  I remember thinking, “Oh, well, I’m dead now.”

  How did I get into this position? I think in a way it was just luck. The unfortunate part is that since I was an avid reader of business and self-help books, I couldn't help seeing what was befalling me. I consoled myself that worse things could happen than to be politically out-maneuvered.

  I resignedly decided to look for another job, right after finishing up the flashy prototype. I immersed myself in that final task, working feverishly with graphic artists and animators to make the little Celtic-inspired space opera sparkle and shine. I downloaded it into the eReader and tucked it under my arm to head home into the night.

  As I approached the stairwell, I heard, "Where are you going with that?"

  It was Angel. "Umm, I'm going home, Angel," I replied.

  "What is that you have there?" The eBook prototype, obviously.

  "I was just taking it home for some final polishing before the demo tomorrow," I said.

  "I heard you were going to shop it out to our competitor," he said.

  I was surprised and angry. I didn't like Angel, and he had some nerve accusing me of a nefarious motive.

  "I'd like to see you prove that," I retorted.

  "I don't need to," he said. "That's company property. Give it here." He advanced to grab it and I retreated, not looking behind me. There was a brief struggle while I clasped the eBook tighter to my chest while he clawed at it. In retrospect, I should have given him the book. As it was, I fell down the stairs and broke my neck.

  I always thought that old cliche about falling down the stairs didn't really happen to people. I think Angel was shocked at first, but then again, it seemed my loss was his gain. He pried the eBook out of my warm, dead hands and scurried away to lock it in his file cabinet where it would never see the light of day.

  There was a lovely funeral service for me, and I was touched that a lot of my work friends cried. Angel got up and said some generic nice things, about how talented and educated I was, and how dedicated to the company. Mostly he knew nothing about me and filled the eulogy with vague, faint praise. That's his job, after all. At the burial, he stumbled and nearly tumbled onto the casket, but the pastor grabbed his arm to keep him from falling into the open grave.

  I tried a few times to communicate with Angel to indicate my displeasure with his actions, but didn't seem to have had any success. He seemed to be three sheets to the wind most of the time. I heard some of the office managers talking about how he had been having three-martini lunches and they could smell it on his breath. I wasn't sure what the point of hanging around as a disembodied observer was, but I didn't have any choice.

  It seems like I reached Tony, though. That was unexpected, but now I wonder if he always avoided politics because he is extra sensitive. I began encouraging him to go for breaks in the cafeteria more and hear the other managers as they gossiped and topped up their brews. He was indeed drinking a lot more coffee lately.

  I was pleased that my managerial skills finally seemed to be improving. My big mistake in life had been in spending too much time and energy honing my craft instead of practicing social Darwinism and building alliances. Of course, I don't want to say this is what you should do. I'm just saying it might have worked out better for me.

  Angel chose to move to a bigger office and decided to declare his file cabinet as "excess" and ship it off to the warehouse. The cabinet must have become top heavy, because the movers narrowly averted being injured when the top drawer popped out and the cabinet toppled over, spilling its contents right outside Tony's office.

  Tony stood up and went over to assist, picking up a white eBook that had skittered across the flo
or toward him.

  "Whose cabinet is this? They left an eBook in there." The mover looked at the invoice, but somehow couldn't make out who initiated the order.

  Tony opened the book to see if he could identify the owner. His eyes widened slightly. "I was wondering what happened to this. It was going to be demo'd when the designer accidentally died last month."

  At this point Angel came staggering around the corner. He spied the eBook and said, "Hi, Tony. I see you got my eBook there. Thanks very much for finding it." He snatched it out of Tony's hands.

  Tony said, "Isn't that the demo eBook that Ronnie was going to present?"

  "No, of course not. This is my personal property. Thanks again for finding it!" He fled down the hall.

  I've got to hand it to Tony. He really stepped up to the plate. He called Corporate and requested that they send another boss to take the reigns. He had nicely documented a pair of firing offenses: drinking on the job and stealing corporate property. Then he picked up the phone again and called the police. He was pretty sure the brown substance that had flaked onto the floor from the eBook was dried blood.

  If you were superstitious, you might say good things tend to come in threes. I say it’s just politics, nothing personal.

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  About the author

  Juli Rew is a former science writer/editor for the National Center for Atmospheric Research in Boulder, Colorado. She is a believer in the scientific evidence for global warming. She also publishes fantasy and science fiction stories by other authors at Third Flatiron Publishing (https://www.thirdflatiron.com/liveSite).